5 Platinum Hits From The Maze Madness OST

So here’s what I do. I play this song in the car, on full blast, coming out of those big ass size 13’s baby! Bumping them hits. Moving forward but the rims keep spinning backwards. You feel me! Whenever I pull up to the block, none of the homies ever ask me for a ride for some reason… Some even prefer public transportation instead.

Simple Strategy.

See, I’m all extreme like that! But you don’t have to go THAT far. I got a better one for you. Use this track for your next aerobic workout. Aw c’mon, it’ll be fun! Trust me bro, I do it ALL the time. It’s got that, “Whip it! Into shape! Whip it goooood!” 80’s kinda snare thing going! You’ll be in shape in no time! Just don’t use my gut size for proof of this. I have no time, to be retracting false marketing statements. Do I look like an advertising agency or a politician to you?

You know what I’m thinking right now? You might as well stop trippin’ and add this one to your workout with part 1. Then you’ll really be hardcore like me!

You know what else I’m thinking right now? You should get up, right now, and do your best Michael Jackson dance impression to this beat and it’ll all make sense. Then I’ll tell you a big secret.

I REALLY meant for you to do that for real, bro…

Like now. Go ahead… I’ll wait.

I swear this one sounds like it was meant for Michael Jackson, don’t it! I know you hear it, don’t you? It’s got that ‘Remember The Time’ feel to it, don’t it? As a matter o’ fact, that music video and this games theme is based on the same culture. Kemetic stuff. What you might know incorrectly as ‘egypt’. Yep, it’s true. The civilization that existed before Mike was white 🙂 so who inspired who here?

Anyway, you ready for that juicy secret???

Well, legend has it, The King of Pop Himself tried to buy the Maze Madness Masters for 50 billion dollars! But Jonny wouldn’t budge. His crew wasn’t having it. So Mike caught an attitude and later bought The Beatles Masters out of frustration. His therapist had warned him many times about his anger problem. See, what had happened was, the day they played him the track he had an attitude over something petty. Wouldn’t listen. They was like, “Fuck it then. we’ll use it for Ms Pac-Man on Sony Playstation then. Ain’t nobody gon sweat you cuz you Mike”. 8 years later Maze Madness dropped. When mike heard it… He copped an attitude...

Don’t quote me on that. I’m just saying, that’s what I heard.

I love the selective choice of instruments and sounds in this one. It starts off sounding like you’re in a cave, playing some kind of crystal instrument that you found inside of there, and its reverberating all over the place at the speed of sound, carresing your ears with natures aural bling.

Now that’s balla!

And that breakdown at the 49th measure was the BOMB! With a tempo of 155.5, that should be around 1min:15sec for those who don’t know bars. Just play it and see what I’m talkin’ about.

Let’s re-write history for a moment, shall we? Lord knows we need it.

One day, the Poncas, The Cheyennes, The Chippewa Ojibwes, and of course The Cherokees were gathered together. You know, just chilling, having an honorable stick-icky-ooh-wee session. Mapping out the cosmos, enjoying the June 7th nighttime breeze, aided by the illuminated coolness of the Moon-Star. All of a sudden they saw a couple of big ass boats in the distance, about to slide up on their God provided shores. The boats still had a ways to go before docking, but were still too close for comfort for the natives. The civilians took shelter with haste as the warriors arose to an aggressively valiant attention.  The general shouted, “We should just off these imposters! Hit em with these choppers and sink their boats from afar! You see what happened LAST time we tried to make friends with some weirdos in dusty ass boats!” But the Chief, possessing great intuitional acumen, had a good feeling about this one. He replied, “Be cool OG, I got this.” In his deep Barry White Voice.

With all due respect. They’re saying all this in their native language, of course. I’m just the english speaking storyteller who doesn’t know a lick of Navajo.

So the boats hit the shore. The settlers emerged from within, sporting gold-trimmed fits and katana blades that make the Ginsu look like ridge-less butter knives. The Natives stood impenetrably. They were ready for war.  I’m sure they had a lot of practice with their prior ‘visitors’.

SMH

Anyway, It turns out the Chief was right! Guess who it was?.. Some Asians! Yep. China-men who brought with them some rice, a whole bunch of packs of Ramen Noodles without that ghastly seasoning packet, a keg of Braggs Amino Acids, and a whole bunch of new fighting moves!

They stood looking at each other in amazement. Silence filled the air like 420 smoke in a limo with Snoop Dogg and 7 Rastas. Then somebody (a China-man) was like, “Ya’ll wanna make a beat or something, fo? We got our instruments in the trunk….” Somehow they understood each other. “Aaaaw it’s on now!”, said the Chief.

And the rest is history!

This track sounds like that bad ass Native American celebratory tune that they collabed on with those noble settling China-men that night. Exactly what they probably would’ve done if the oh-so-friendly pilgrims were like, Ip Man and his crew or something instead. Instead of having to defend their reality against wars, pillage and attempt genocides by a bunch of haters whose purpose for existing is still questionable, they would have been eating corn and noodles, just chilling. Kicking it with the buffalo, enlightening each other, enjoying the happiness from their new found friends, and playing Playstation…..

Of course they had Playstation back then. DUH!

Oooh, whats his name who made this track got that fyah! Jonny Holla. He gotta do a track wit me. He did that track with Damien Marley, and I’m waaaaaaay colder than him on the mic. So I KNOW I got a collab coming. Stop playing.

I’m actually gonna sample this in a new track though. Yep, you heard it here first, at HTP. Don’t hate cause you slept on this joint. Don’t steal my idea either. If you do, I’ll off myself and haunt your house every halloween…. Just kidding. That kind of foolishness is for bad guys. I’m a nice guy. The type to file a lawsuit against you, self represent myself in court and win by a landslide, using this article as evidence-of-origin over a track that I don’t even own myself. Don’t test me…. And I’d love to see Les Twins and Skitzo dance to it too.